As I’m continuing to transition through life, I’m finding out more about myself and what I want out of this fleeting glimpse of the universe. It’s interesting to me how fluid people can be, and how stagnant. Is it not better to be a flowing river than a stagnant pond? One ever-changing and influencing those around it. The other fading away and potentially harming those who interact with it. I’ve spent a lot of my life being a pond, and only recently found a new fount with which to spark a vigor of movement. As much as I have changed, I find old habits die hard, and the ghost of my past self is ever present.
One thing that keeps me here, in such an innocent way, are possessions. They stay the same, some wear and tear ensue, some break, and others collect dust, hide in closets, under beds, or in plain sight. They are reminders of a time that we wanted or received them. Little time machines of memories. At best, they are still something you like, and function within your daily life. At worst, they are something you hold unto for familiarity, never serving a purpose except perhaps a twinge of guilt that you never wear it, or use it. This thing just sits, never really realizing its potential.
Unlike possessions, we don’t require another being to realize our potential. It is within our own power to do so. We are the our own worst enemy, and I combat that every day. What do I want out of today? Did I make the most out of it? Did I work towards a better me? Always keeping in mind that self-compassion is working towards a better me. Knowing that I’m not always going to do everything I wanted to that day. The best thing I can always do for myself is give myself some grace.
One of my goals is to be as authentic on the outside as I can be. Being a reflection of who I truly am. This includes the clothes I wear and the possessions I have. I’m working on going through them. Sorting them into three categories:
- Things that have helped me get to where I am and no longer serve me
- Things that I need to keep until I can get something new
- Things that help me reflect who I am
The progress has been slow. I have a small pile of things that I can let go. I’m hoping that by starting this process, rewarding myself, and acknowledging how good it feels without them will help me to continue it to more difficult objects. Letting go of polka dot socks, hair brushes, perfumes, and bras, seem to be easier than any of my military items, jewelry, toys, and random junk (I’m not demeaning the items, they literally are junk). Things that I definitely don’t need anymore, and never had any sort of attachment to are easier to leave behind.
Someday I hope to walk about the world completely sure of who I am and what I stand for. No skeletons in the closets, no instruments in their cages (cases), no bikes stuck on a bike rack because you’ve lost the key. Living with intention seems to be the difference between surviving and thriving. It’s a journey I’ll be glad to take, and even if it means leaving behind the polka dot socks.
Happy Trails!
Space 