You have no idea how much I will hold onto that, even though it isn’t a real memory. Just like light cannot escape a blackhole, the living cannot escape death. It has an influential hold on us that we must acknowledge. As death and grief enter our lives, it is up to us to deal with it. To live with it.

My goal is to continue blogging. Continue putting my story out here. Transmit it into the void like a message in a bottle and hope that it finds meaning. Right now, there’s a lull in activity in my life: the blogging program is over, the next round of the contest isn’t until September, the family that I nanny for is on vacation for the next 2 weeks, and my team went and won the championship in Pittsburgh this weekend. Temporarily, it seems like my life has lost meaning. 

Today, I extended myself further than my capacity. I borrowed energy, and now have an energy debt to be paid. It isn’t easy carrying around energy debt. In order to restore it, I need a solid day away to recuperate and repair. Something tells me that won’t be easy this week, and that it might not happen until next week. 

BRIEF SYNOPSIS: The future isn’t so bright for one museum curator as his auto-pilot fails him, causing a serious car accident. Fortunately, he finds help in a striking individual with an intoxicating smile.

I don’t know if I will go to heaven. I don’t know what happens after we die. I don’t know if God exists. I do know that there are great people who believe they know all of those things. I also know great people who believe they don’t know all of those things. I wholly support you in whatever you believe as long as it pertains to you and not your views on others. For now, I’ll stay on my island of peace, away from the sea that caused much turmoil and seasickness.

So, I submitted it. It’s done. It will officially be out of my hands in about 40 minutes. The concoction of excitement, anxiety, and worry is all a result of the fear that I have about this endeavor. This fear is the source of growth. I truly believe that this contest will help me grow. 

I have been handling this day well, working on it in spurts, and soon it was done. After telling myself that I wouldn’t edit until tomorrow, I started to edit it briefly. Who knew adding pronouns into their introductions would lead me down the slippery slope of editing??? Me. I did. Oh well (Ha).

As soon as I clicked on it in that Starbucks, I was mortified. Now, when my friend originally sent this to me, it was within the comfort of my own home. I felt no sense of shame or guilt for opening it and looking through it. But, as soon as I was in that public place, with my laptop open out to the rest of the room, I was ashamed and embarrassed.

Ask them what they need in that moment. These can be used in combination, or in succession. And just because one helped your friend last time doesn’t mean that it is what they want from you this time. No one person handles situations the same or finds the same coping mechanisms to be helpful.

So, I’m going to have fun with this endeavor. I’m going to change, grow, and live the life I want to lead. I want to establish a life worth living, and that involves doing some things for myself. Part of that is extending this bridge, this story, this log, to the rest of humanity. And with that, I hope you all find some comfort that you can do the same.