While I may be kicking myself for not having completed this earlier today, and while I may be tired while nannying tomorrow, I accept that procrastination is part of my process. It has its purpose in my life. It is how I prioritize and organize what I have to do that day. There are tasks I’ve put off for months because of how stressful they are, and that can be unhealthy and societally unacceptable. So, sometimes, procrastination is harmful. However, like all things, it can be good in moderation.

I’ve spent the last 8 years trying to read again. Trying to enjoy it like I once did. I’ve finally gotten to a point of discipline that I’ve finished a few more books. I’m currently reading more than one book again. The following list is of recent books I have read and am currently reading, feel free to check them out!

And now, I’m crying thinking about how this is all a part of life. If you love, you must lose. On Pinterest, there was a quote, “Grief is the last act of love we can give, to those we loved. Where there is great grief, there was great love.” Now, ignoring my need to talk about the philosophical, and going into the definition of love and how that fits in there, as well as the assumption of time in that there are firsts and lasts of anything. Grief is not a single act, it isn’t bound by time. Just like love (I tried).

Pros: My writing will be tested.

Cons: My writing will be tested.

Okay, maybe I need to be a bit more serious.

That is the reality LGBT+ kids have to face, this idea that you could potentially go from being loved and accepted to not. This idea that in one moment your entire world could change. You hope it is for the better. But if your family doesn’t accept you, will you really be happier? You can’t just take those words back. Once they are said, the “damage is done”, you may have rained on their parade of what they thought of you.

So, let’s appreciate how we all fit together, and how we don’t. Keeping in mind that there are dimensions you have yet to find, dimensions that you have yet to connect, and puzzle boxes that you may visit one day, and will be some of the best days of your life. I wish you all the connectivity of a puzzle, with the individuality of your many dimensions, and the wholeness that life can bring you.

I liken it to feeling that you have cinderblocks tied to your body….It takes every ounce of my energy to get through my week, and I don’t have a ton going on right now (no pun intended, just kidding, EVERY pun intended). Life is a difficult balance right now. I think that is why it is particularly difficult to get through the day. I’m trying to balance on a tightrope of life with cinderblocks tied to me. At any moment, I feel like I could crash and burn. And somedays, I do.

There’s nothing I dislike more than not being able to do something. Especially when I’ve really wanted this. It’s hard watching other people successfully tackle and get to play in a game that you love. One of the hardest things I’ve done is to take myself out of the tackling drills and off of the active roster. This is temporary.

As soon as I read it, tears came to my eyes. I’ve seen celebrities come out, and have been surrounded by queers many times, but this is the first book (outside of Hannah Hart’s Buffering Book) that I’ve read where the protagonist is queer. Because of the words in a few short sentences, I cried. I cried because finally there was a character like me.

This endeavor has been incredibly important to me in my life. I’m in the best shape than I have ever been. I’m gaining confidence, friends, and life skills. It has been an integral part of my integration in St. Louis.