Change is good. I think that regardless of how things change, it must have been written in the atoms to be that way for a reason. While even thinking about being healthy is kind of scary to me, I am looking forward to what it will be like.

In the meantime, I hope to be able to get better at dealing with this. My therapist believes that this is a curable illness, but it takes extensive behavioral therapy. And, that won’t happen overnight. Please know that I am always doing my best, regardless of how that looks externally.

That’s the catch. For the majority of my life, I have strived to make others comfortable. I’ve adapted to what they wanted and expected of me. I had thoughts and ideas of my own, but rarely voiced them. This has had a huge impact on my life, while not having an impact on others.

A highly contagious sickness has infiltrated our space. If you catch this contagion, you must report to quarantine immediately. It must be stopped if we are to continue our mission.

I started to go to therapy again because I was hoping that I would be validated. That my daily struggle would be acknowledged and somehow solved by someone listening to me and saying, “Hmmm.. it sounds like you have a deficiency in dopamine receptors in this particular pathway in your brain, we can try fixing it using this”.

Some people may need a space buddy who is far more dependent on them, like a dog. One that they need to take on walks, and let outside. However, I find that this would be troublesome, and I would worry a lot more about the state of my apartment if I left for a weekend. With Leo, his dependence really only shows when I need it most.

I’m sure my mental illness isn’t only entangled with my sexuality. Given that I still have a mental illness, and coming out wasn’t a magical cure for it. The source of my mental illness is my brain. My brain may have been shaped by these entanglements or it may have been predisposed, or a combination of both. However, acknowledging this entanglement has allowed me to be able to look for other entanglements, which should help in the intervention process.

It took me around 7 years to come to terms with this, and I don’t expect everyone to accept me overnight. As much as I would love to have you continue to be a part of my life, if you choose to leave feel free to quietly do that. If any of you have any questions, I strongly encourage you to reach out to me. I truly want to be a resource for you. And, I will be talking about this more in the future.

I’m excited to improve. It had been about a year since I’ve done a push-up. And now, I find myself struggling to knock out ten decent ones. I’m excited to be able to do that, and to be able to lift weights. I’m excited to be able to keep my core tight, because I found out that I do the worm a lot (which means I tend to not engage my core during exercises where I need to).

It’s not a question of if a glass is half empty or half full. There’s nothing left in the glass, and the glass wonders if it will ever be filled again.